If possibility were a tree branching
in front of me…
I’d sit still to marvel,
and forget to take that first step.
In the seemingly lazy days of child minding (which anyone will tell you, really are not), it’s easy to putter away a whole morning. Noon kicks in and all that get-up-and-go you’ve acquired has been pulled up short by the reality of the situation. That lovely roast you’ve been planning becomes “what can I make with a pound of ground beef?” as you realize that you… forgot to take it out this morning, because “oh look, where did the time go?” But that’s ok, because those plans are fluid, and as long as there’s a meal waiting on the table at an appropriate time, you can still look back and call the day a relative success. I mean, those baskets of laundry you were hiding from can wait one more day, right?
Now throw in a deadline. Any kind really. It could be a hard one or an arbitrary line you’ve drawn in the sand, but in its own way, still very important. So many things to do in a finite time, and you’re pretty sure something has to give.
I will tell you, that’s sort of how I feel right now, with the addition of acting like a hamster caught in its wheel, running in heart pounding, blind panic.
“Calm down, Em, you’re being silly.”
::nods:: Yes, yes I am.
In labeling my panic for what it is, I take absurd comfort in video game quotes, of all things.
“Tick tock Prince; Tick tock.”
The Dark Prince mocks his alter ego. Irrational urgency wars with the need to keep focused. If you handle it right, you’ll be fine, but the taunt heralds the point at which the player now walks a very fine line between success and failure.
“So calm down, Em, and hunker down. Get to work; you can do this!”
Because I put it out there, that I want to be taken seriously as an artist, and the Universe has thrown it back in my lap and challenged, “Prove it.”
In my mind, my portfolio is halfway there. A couple of Best Works, a couple of Semi-Recent Things… and that’s really not quite enough, so let’s finish those two drawings I’ve stalled the momentum on. I mean, this is a Very Good Reason to finish them, right?
“Time is preciousss; time is flitting. Time….is something you have too little of.”
Because it’s been three days since the offer to size me up was made, and I’m pretty sure there’s an expiry date on looking serious.